Celebrity is as Celebrity Does
by ForceForGood
Summary: How will venerable Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi cope with the pressures of being a celebrity during the Clone Wars? A humorous Siriwan.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Celebrity is as Celebrity Does  
**Author:** ForceForGood  
**Summary:** _How will venerable Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi cope with the pressures of celebrity during the Clone Wars? A Siriwan._  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Characters: **Obi-Wan Kenobi, Siri Tachi  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own Star Wars and I'm certainly not making money off this!

_I hate - well, I don't hate, but I intensely dislike this_, Jedi Master and General Obi-Wan Kenobi grumbled to himself.

Obi-Wan stood in an annex of the Galactic Senate building on Coruscant, surrounded by politicians and HoloNet reporters and camera droids shining bright lights in his eyes as he deflected the questions that barraged him from every side.

_Why am I stuck doing this, when Anakin is the one who loves all the attention?_ he thought.

He knew the answer to that, though. No sooner had they landed on Coruscant after a long and grueling battle to retake Pengalen IV for the Republic, Chancellor Palpatine had whisked Anakin away to his office at 500 Republica for a hot drink and a long chat. And Obi-Wan was stuck with the mob, when he wanted nothing better than to fly straight to the temple, take a long shower and spend the rest of the day meditating to regain the peace that eluded him after so many weeks of fighting.

The worst part was that, mixed up with the serious journalists from the HoloNet who wanted him to give gory details and divulge sensitive battle strategies, there were also all the gossip-mongering tabloids who wanted to know if Anakin Skywalker was as handsome in real life as he looked in the holovids, and whether the Jedi Order would ever consider revoking the no-attachment rule, and what color robe Obi-Wan would wear if the Jedi were to ever start wearing colors, and why didn't he try the clean-shaven look again, like he had during the Battle of Naboo?

It was enough to give this Jedi Master a massive headache.

At last he was able to detach himself from the crowd and head for the exit. Just before he reached the door, however, it opened and a blond woman in a flight suit walked in and blocked his path.

"Pardon me," he said hastily and tried to skirt around her.

She stepped in his path again, and Obi-Wan got a closer look at her face. It was Siri Tachi. Before he could react, she plastered a bubbly smile on her face and gasped, "General Kenobi! I ... I don't believe it!"

Siri grabbed his hand and eagerly shook it.

"It's such an honor!" she gushed. "You're a real, honest-to-goodness hero! I heard all about your latest battle on the HoloNet, you saved all those people! Wow!"

With growing horror, Obi-Wan realized that Siri wasn't wearing her lightsaber, or had concealed it in her flight suit somewhere, and that to the crowd of people still milling around the lobby she looked like just another Coruscanti woman obsessed with the exploits of the Kenobi and Skywalker team during the Clone Wars.

"You're very kind," Obi-Wan said as he extracted his hand from her grip.

"My mother is your biggest fan," Siri cooed. "Listen, would you ... would you sign your autograph for her? Please?"

Uncomfortably aware of all the pairs of eyes on his back, Obi-Wan had no choice but to smile politely and say, "Of course."

Siri managed to beg a sheet of flimsi from someone nearby and bounced up and down on her toes as Obi-Wan signed it.

"Thank you SO much," she said. "You're every bit as nice as everyone says you are. Listen, did you ever think of shaving your beard? I think you would look _ever _so much more sophisticated, don't you think?"

Obi-Wan found himself entirely at a loss for words.

"Well, I don't want to keep you," Siri said with a sigh, stepping at last out of his way. "You must have more important things to do than talk to me ... meditating, practicing with your lightsaber..." Her eyes flicked down to his belt as she coyly twirled a lock of her hair around her finger.

Obi-Wan was rather irritated with himself when he felt the heat of a blush blooming across his cheeks. "Have a nice day," he said, conscious of Siri's mischievous eyes on him as he finally made his escape.

Obi-Wan walked with rapid strides across the courtyard and onto the landing pad where his speeder was parked. He swung in and started the engine, then buried his face in his hands and sighed deeply.

Sensing a presence, he turned his head to see Siri leaning against his door.

"Mind if I catch a ride to the Temple?" she said with a devilish grin.

Obi-Wan just looked at her.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Why are you trying to make my life miserable?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Trying?" Siri said. "Do or do not, there is no..."

"Put a sock in it, Tachi," Obi-Wan advised her.

"Oh my my my, what's put you in such a bad mood?" Siri said.

"Your mother is my biggest fan?" Obi-Wan said. "Your MOTHER?"

"I'm your second-biggest fan," Siri reassured him, patting his cheek condescendingly.

Obi-Wan glared down at the speeder controls.

"Are you going to leave me standing here all day, or what?" Siri asked.

Obi-Wan sighed again, but then patted the passenger seat next to him.

Siri swung in and kissed his cheek. "I knew you'd forgive me," she said.

"I'll have my revenge, Siri Tachi," Obi-Wan said as he hit the accelerator. "Just you wait."

TO BE CONTINUED

_To any readers who leave a comment - good, bad, or indifferent - you will have my eternal gratitude!_


	2. Chapter 2

Obi-Wan got exactly one day of rest at the Temple, before he and Anakin were called back to the Middle Rim, charged with fending off a droid army that was attempting to conquer the Kril'dor system, which held strategic importance as a significant producer of tibanna gas, used to power blasters.

The Kril'dorian navy let the clone transport ships through their defensive blockade, and Obi-Wan and Anakin set down their starfighters in the main hangar of the mining platform orbiting Kril'dar, where Administrator Leyla met them.

Obi-Wan had studiously avoided all HoloNet transmissions since his interviews on Coruscant - if there was one thing he hated - er, disliked - more than giving interviews, it was watching his interviews being replayed and analyzed on the HoloNet. He was all too aware that he came off as reserved and even stern, compared to Anakin, who could almost instantaneously have the entire room smiling and laughing with him about his exploits.

But here, HoloNet receivers were constantly blaring at the intersections of the main corridor they strode along and it was impossible to ignore them.

"The droid army has ceased fire for now," Administrator Leyla was saying as she rubbed her hand nervously through her spiky gray hair, "but we have reason to believe they are simply waiting for reinforcements to counter the clones that just arrived to defend us."

"...and now, all of Coruscant is in an uproar over the mysterious woman who seems to have captured the interest of General Kenobi himself," a voice proclaimed. Obi-Wan froze in mid-stride, slowly looking back over his shoulder at the receiver they had just passed.

"What the...?" Anakin said, staring down at the holoimage being transmitted.

It was an image of Obi-Wan. Sitting in a speeder, with a pretty blonde in a tight flight suit leaning against the door. Stroking his cheek. Swinging in next to him and kissing his cheek before they flew off together.

Obi-Wan and Anakin gawked.

"Numerous beings reported seeing this woman approach General Kenobi for an autograph after his interviews with the press regarding the Battle of Pengalen IV," the reporter continued. "If these images are to be believed, she may have gotten more than that!"

Anakin choked. Obi-Wan blinked.

Leyla's eyes darted back and forth between them.

"Tell me, Administrator," Obi-Wan said when he finally found his voice again. "Is this program considered a reliable source of information?"

"Oh, no, General," Leyla assured him. "It's always the celebrity gossip with them. Why, just a few months ago they took an image of my face and pasted it on the body of some scantily dressed young thing dancing in a cantina. Played it for weeks."

"Some of the miners here have never looked at me the same way again," she added thoughtfully.

Obi-Wan decisively stepped up to the HoloNet transmitter and punched in the command to print a still of the image onto a flimsi. Tucking it under his arm, he asked Administrator Leyla if she would be so kind as to show him to her office.

"I need a marker," he told her.

Puzzled, Leyla led him to the office, handed him a marker and watched him hastily scrawl something across the image. Anakin leaned over Obi-Wan's shoulder, but before he got a good look, Obi-Wan had flipped over the flimsi and capped the marker. He handed them back to Leyla and instructed her to scan the flimsi and send it to Jedi Master Siri Tachi on Coruscant, post-haste.

***

Jedi Master Siri Tachi leaned back in her chair, drumming her fingers on the table absent-mindedly, until she noticed Mace Windu looking sternly in her direction. Quickly folding her hands into her lap, she tried to assemble her features into the serene countenance that came so naturally to Jedi like Master Yoda and Obi-Wan, and was so difficult for her to fake.

Siri was waiting, along with the handful of Masters who were in the Temple at the time, for a strategy session on the Middle Rim conflicts to begin. Just then, Master Yoda hobbled into the room, leaning on his gimer stick for support, and Master Ki-Adi Mundi began the briefing.

The discussion on tactics stalled almost as quickly as it began. It was difficult to decide how many clones to send to maintain their control of Ord Mantell, which was rapidly deteriorating, when they didn't know yet if Obi-Wan and Anakin would need more troops at Kril'dor. The pair had arrived at the system not long ago, but they were awaiting Obi-Wan's report of the situation before proceeding.

"The situation is dire," Master Ki-Adi Mundi was saying. "If Obi-Wan doesn't need the 85th Infantry Brigade, then I suggest we send them to Ord Mantell immediately."

Just then, a Padawan slipped into the room and handed Siri a flimsi printout.

"From Master Kenobi," he said.

All the Masters watched Siri expectantly as she looked at the flimsi.

"JEDI LOVER!" the headline proclaimed. "General Kenobi takes blonde bombshell home!" Underneath was a giant color image of Siri kissing Obi-Wan in a speeder. Scrawled over the image, in purple ink, was this:

"Siri Tachi, you are DEAD MEAT. Love and kisses, Obi-Wan Kenobi"

A wild guffaw escaped Siri's throat before she could stop it. Frantically she clapped her hands over her mouth, but to her horror, she couldn't stop the giggling. Ten Jedi Masters looked at her, astounded, and Mace started to lean over to see what had provoked such a reaction.

Siri protectively hugged the flimsi against her chest. Smearing her hands across her cheeks to wipe away the tears, she exited the room as quickly as dignity allowed.

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi was summoned to the Council Chambers the moment he returned from Kril'dor. He expected to give his report on the successful defense of the mining facility, but to his surprise, Siri Tachi was already standing in the circle when the door to the chamber slid open.

Puzzled, he nevertheless stepped up to her side and tucked his arms into the sleeves of his robe, waiting for the Council to acknowledge them. Siri was pointedly looking away from him, and he could sense the unmistakable wave of irritation coming from her.

Directed at him.

Obi-Wan had a bad feeling about this.


	3. Chapter 3

"Masters Tachi and Kenobi," Mace Windu said. "Explain this."

With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Obi-Wan caught sight of the words "JEDI LOVER" luridly printed across the flimsi Master Windu was waving accusingly in his direction.

"Master Windu, that was all a dreadful misunderstanding," Obi-Wan said hastily, flushing. "Master Tachi was ... well, she had the idea to..."

Obi-Wan's voice trailed off as he realized he didn't quite know how to go about this without making Siri look bad.

"It didn't mean anything," Siri swiftly cut in.

"It was just a little peck on the cheek..."

"He gave me a ride home so I wouldn't have to call an air taxi..."

"But why does everyone seem to think you're a fan, rather than a colleague?" Windu demanded.

"Well, that was a ..." Siri's voice trailed off.

"... misunderstanding?" Obi-Wan finished.

"This 'misunderstanding' disrupted our strategy session on the Middle Rim conflicts," Ki-Adi Mundi said, looking pointedly at Siri.

"You have made the Order look like hypocrites!" Windu said. "We preach the dangers of attachment, and then the Order's poster boy gives some strange woman a ride to the temple in his speeder? Surely you can see how that looks! Do you know how many politicians have asked me about this since the story hit the HoloNet?"

"A bad example to the Padawans, you are," Yoda said. "Damaged their faith in their masters, you have."

"Not to mention all the heart-broken women in the galaxy crying over their kopi tea tonight," Shaak Ti said with a sly grin on her face.

Mace Windu scowled at Shaak and shook his finger at Obi-Wan and Siri.

"Stay away from each other for now," he said. "We're repairing the public relations damage as best we can, but it won't help matters if you're seen together. And in the future, use a little more common sense."

As one, they bowed to the Council, and Windu dismissed them with a flick of his fingers.

"Well done, Tachi," Obi-Wan said sarcastically the moment the lift doors closed behind them.

Siri looked at him in astonishment.

"You're not blaming this on me, Kenobi!" she said. "You humiliated me in front of all the other Masters, you know!"

"You humiliated ME in front of the entire galaxy!" Obi-Wan shot back.

"That wasn't my fault!" she protested. "I didn't know there were camera droids by the speeder! It was just a little friendly kiss, and everyone acts like the galaxy is coming to an end!"

"But none of this would have happened if you hadn't gotten the nerf-brained idea to ask me for an autograph in front of all those people in the first place!"

"That's it, Kenobi," Siri hissed. "We are settling this, once and for all. Tonight. Meet me in the northeast sparring room, and bring your lightsaber. Winner takes all."

"The Council just told us to stay away from each other," Obi-Wan pointed out as the lift doors opened.

"Then come after everyone's gone to bed, you gundark," Siri said as she stormed off.

***

It was a battle for the ages.

Back and forth they danced across the room, meeting thrust with parry, lit by glow globes and the steady stream of vehicles flying past in the Coruscanti night sky.

Siri took the offensive, driving Obi-Wan back continually, but he easily blocked or deflected each blow, waiting for the moment when Siri would tire or lost focus. Then he would make his move.

But Siri didn't seem in danger of losing focus.

"Come on, Kenobi!" she called. "Fight like you mean it!"

Obi-Wan decided this was a good time to spring a surprise on Siri. Crouching low, he feinted a sweep at her ankles, but rapidly changed hands at the last moment and cut upwards to meet her blade very close to the hilt. With her blade angling down to block the ankle sweep, Siri wasn't prepared for the switch and lost her grip.

Her lightsaber clattered away behind her.

Unfortunately, Obi-Wan wasn't ready for her to use her momentum to spin around and kick his arm, knocking his lightsaber out of his hand as well.

They faced each other silently, eyes shifting back and forth from each other to the lightsabers on the floor.

Siri darted toward him, grabbing his arm with one hand and going for the solar plexus with the other. Obi-Wan absorbed the blow and twisted around, tripping Siri and knocking her to the floor.

"Ouch!" she cried out, clutching the arm she had just landed on, hard. "Stop!"

It took Obi-Wan a moment to catch his breath. "Are you all right?" he asked, leaning over to get a closer look.

That's when Siri kicked his legs out from under him, slamming him to the floor, and roughly pinned him down. She Force-pulled her lightsaber to her hand and held it to his throat.

"That's cheating!" Obi-Wan gasped from underneath her weight.

"Don't be a sore loser, Kenobi," Siri said smugly. "Concede."

"I'll do no such thing," he said. "You were fighting dirty!"

"Concede," she warned, driving her blade closer to his throat.

"Or what, you'll cut my head off?"

"No. I'll do much worse."

Siri suddenly tossed her lightsaber aside and dug her fingers under his arms, tickling him mercilessly.

"Siri!" Obi-Wan shouted, trying to sound angry but only managing to sound half-hysterical as he gasped and giggled helplessly under her.

"Concede!"

"Siri, that's DIRTY-" Obi-Wan shouted, the sentence cut off by a strangled gasp as she leaned over and savagely tickled him again, laughing wickedly.

The torture may have gone on indefinitely, if they hadn't suddenly both became aware that a tap-tap-tap sound had been approaching them - and had now stopped.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as they turned their faces, inches apart, to see Jedi Grandmaster Yoda leaning on his gimer stick regarding them through half-lidded eyes.

There was a long pause, in which both Siri and Obi-Wan wished it were possible to voluntarily dissolve into the Force.

"To bed, you must go, Master Tachi," Yoda said. "Deal with you in the morning, I will."

"Yes, Master," Siri said meekly, rising to her feet, dusting off her knees, and leaving the room, red-faced.

Yoda sighed heavily and gave Obi-Wan a sorrowful look as he also rose and dusted himself off.

"Much you still have to learn, young one," Yoda said. "Thought you knew better, I did."

Yoda whacked Obi-Wan's ankle with his gimer stick.

"Let a woman know you are ticklish, you should _not_."

THE END

Hope you enjoyed it! Thank you to all who read and commented. I live for comments! Thanks a whole heap.


	4. Chapter 4

My dear readers,

I lied.

I thought this story was over, but then inspiration struck again (Ouch! Oh, my head!), so I wrote a few more chapters. Here's Chapter 4!

Sincerely, ForceForGood

***

Jeela loved a good ambush interview.

It was a long and glorious tradition for trashy celebrity gossip-mongers to waylay unsuspecting victims - er, interviewees - on their way to or from appointments, and bombard them with personal questions while poking cameras in their faces. The best of these would latch onto their victims like a rancor and block them from their transports for as long as it took, until they got the material they were hoping for.

Jeela was one of the best. And this time, she had a hot tip. One that would hit the HoloNet like a firestorm, if she played her cards right.

Lately, all her attention had been focused on discovering the identity of the pretty blonde kitling in General Kenobi's speeder. She'd called in favors and acquired access to secure databases. She'd scoured them for weeks and compared thousands of images. And at long last, she tasted victory.

The blonde was none other than Siri Tachi, a Jedi Master herself. The knowledge gave her more questions than answers. Why was a Jedi asking Kenobi for an autograph? Clearly she was only pretending she didn't know him. Could it be flirting? And that kiss in the speeder ... a kiss between intimate associates, not strangers.

It was even juicier than Jeela had hoped for! Two Jedi, breaking the Code!

And so she planned her ambush.

***

Siri was woken by her pilot when they landed on Coruscant. She hadn't gotten nearly as much sleep during the journey as she would have liked, but then again she always felt like she could sleep for a straight day and a night after these weeks-long clashes in the Mid-Rim territories. Siri ran her fingers through her hair, and didn't feel like fixing it nicely again, so she just pulled her hood over her head and walked slowly down the gangplank, rubbing her eyes. She'd told the pilot to set her down a short distance from the Temple, so she would have a chance to walk around a little and regain alertness before the Council started harping on her for a report. Reports really were the worst part of any mission, Siri grumbled to herself. She'd rather be shot at.

In her bleary-eyed state, Siri never saw it coming. Suddenly a camera droid was in her face, shining a bright light in her eyes. Siri jumped back, startled, and the hood fell down off her hair. A Human woman with unnaturally red hair stood directly in her path.

"Siri Tachi!" the woman chirped at her. "How long have you been General Kenobi's girlfriend?"

"I ... beg your pardon?" Siri gasped, trying to pull her hood back over her face and step around the woman at the same time. The woman got in her way again.

"I bet you and he have been an item for a long time, haven't you? Tell me, does the Council know all about it? Do they approve of it? Did you get an exemption from the Code?"

"Exemption for what?" Siri asked defensively. "We haven't done anything!"

"Oh, don't be coy with Jeela," the woman cooed. "He's a handsome man, it's perfectly understandable. When was your first kiss?"

"I've never kissed him!" Siri exclaimed.

"Except on the speeder, you mean," Jeela said, smirking.

Siri stopped herself before snapping back, realizing she needed a smarter strategy. Maybe this was a good opportunity. Maybe it was a chance to explain what really happened, and restore Obi-Wan's reputation!

"You have your facts a little mixed up, I think," Siri said as politely as she could. "You see, General Kenobi is a very good Jedi. And by good, I mean he follows the Code to the letter. He would never have a girlfriend. He has never kissed me, or any other woman for that matter. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

Jeela tried to press on with more questions, but she was no match for a fully alert Siri Tachi, who cloaked herself with the Force and slipped quietly out of Jeela's sight.

The next morning, the HoloNet buzzed with the latest headline: "Jedi Tragedy: Obi-Wan 'Unkissed' Kenobi."

***

"How can you eat that much food?" Obi-Wan asked Anakin.

Anakin looked up from the massive plate of food Dex had delivered to their table and shrugged while he finished chewing the enormous bite he'd just shoveled into his mouth.

"I'm making up for all the weeks of eating ration bars," he said. "And besides, we're celebrating tonight."

"We are?" Obi-Wan asked. "What are we celebrating?"

"Your birthday, of course! Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday!"

"I guess I did."

"Well, I didn't. I have something special planned for you a little later."

"What?" Obi-Wan said suspiciously.

"You'll see soon enough," Anakin said. "It's almost time."

Anakin had been acting a bit strange all day, Obi-Wan realized. He had disappeared from the Temple all morning, and when he came back Obi-Wan caught him several times rubbing his hands together and chuckling. Then, he'd suggested they go for an early dinner at Dex's Diner, but when they arrived, his former Padawan was strangely keyed up, fidgeting nervously one moment and eating food way too fast the next.

Come to think of it, Anakin wasn't the only strange thing in the diner. There was something odd about the other diners in the place too, but Obi-Wan couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

Dex's enormous figure ambled toward them, squeezing past his droid waitress. He held a plate with a chocolate cake on it, adorned with a single sparkling candle, and he plunked it ceremoniously down on their table. Anakin started singing "Happy Birthday" and Dex joined in the song, and then the rest of the customers in the diner did, too.

Listening to their voices, Obi-Wan looked around and realized what was wrong with the other diners. They were all women, every last one of them. He, Anakin and Dex were the only males in the place. Well, that was odd, wasn't it?

The song came to a boisterous end. Anakin was grinning like an idiot, and so were all the women who were looking over at him.

"Master," Anakin said. "After tonight, you're not going to be 'unkissed' anymore."

"What? Why?" Obi-Wan said, alarmed.

"You have the pick of the place," Anakin said triumphantly, sweeping his arm widely to indicate all the women in the room. "They all agreed to take care of your problem." A wave of girlish giggles seemed to confirm his statement.

"What?! Anakin!" a horrified Obi-Wan exclaimed. "Where did you get these women?"

"Anywhere. Everywhere. I looked for pretty girls who were the right age, and asked them if they wanted to help. It didn't take very long to find enough of them. Happy birthday!"

"Am I supposed to be happy about this?" Obi-Wan asked, jumping up and backing away.

"Why wouldn't you be? You could use a good kiss," Anakin said. "I bet a lot of Jedi could," he added in an undertone, glancing briefly in the direction of 500 Republica. "There's nothing about kissing in the Code, you know."

"But I don't know any of them!" Obi-Wan objected.

He backed up a bit more, and bumped into a woman behind him. All the women were sliding out of their booths and off the bar stools, Humans and Twi'leks and Torgutas, some trying to shake his hand and tell him their names, some plucking at his robe, all of them smiling coyly. In moments he was surrounded.

Dex was leaning back against the far wall, both sets of arms folded against his chest, chuckling with delight.

Obi-Wan managed to detach himself from a blue Twi'lek who seemed ready to kiss him right then and there, and, seeing an opening, he hopped up onto a bar stool and then up onto the bar, where he could have some breathing space. Of all the nerf-brained ideas Anakin had come up with, this one really took the cake. Now what?

The jingle of the bell hanging from the door distracted Obi-Wan from his plight, and he looked over to see a slight figure in a sandy brown Jedi robe enter Dex's Diner. A strange, unidentifiable emotion washed over him as he recognized the face half-obscured by her hood. Siri Tachi.

"Look!" a woman by the door shouted. "It's General Kenobi's girlfriend!"

The announcement caused a sensation in the diner. Dex muscled his way through the squealing crowd and gently pushed a confused Siri forward until she was near the bar Obi-Wan stood on.

"Well, who's it going to be?" Anakin yelled over the tumult.

Obi-Wan felt simultaneously relieved and annoyed to see Siri there, and tried to cover his confusion by acting suave. He leaned over her, resting his hands on his knees, a mischievous smile curving his lips.

"You started this, Siri," he said. "I think you should be the one to finish it."

Everyone in the diner went insane, cheering and hooting. Dex grabbed Siri around the waist with two of his enormous hands and lifted her up to the counter next to Obi-Wan.

"Finish what?" Siri shouted at him, flustered. "What in the name of the Force is going on? I thought we were having a quiet birthday dinner for you! Who are all these people?"

"Kiss him!" Anakin yelled. Everyone in the diner took up the chant. "Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!"

Obi-Wan wordlessly held his arms out toward Siri. _What in all the worlds are you_ doing, _Kenobi?_ a distant part of his mind demanded to know, but it was too late for second thoughts. Kriff it all, what was it about Siri that brought out this weird reckless streak in him?

Siri shot an alarmed look at the chanting crowd. It was on the verge of becoming a mob. And there was no quick exit.

"We can't!" she shouted at him over the deafening noise. "The Council will kill us both!"

"Everyone has to die sometime!" he shouted back. "I don't want to die unkissed!"

Siri stood in an agony of indecision. Kriff it all, what was it about Obi-Wan that brought out this weird cautious streak in her? Not that Siri cared about the consequences for herself - her smart mouth had gotten her in hot water with the Council more than once, and Siri had no trouble letting a good scolding slide off her back. But not Obi-Wan. He got in trouble so rarely that, when he did, he took his punishment oh-so-seriously, worrying over it for months like an akk dog worries a bone, until he felt he'd purged himself of some miniscule personality flaw. And Obi-Wan had some hope of being invited to join the Council someday. Siri couldn't do anything that would jeopardize his chances. He deserved better.

Siri stepped up to Obi-Wan and tried to talk into his ear, but he misunderstood and started puckering up.

"No!" Siri said, whacking his shoulder. "Listen to me!"

For a moment, she thought she saw a flash of hurt in Obi-Wan's eyes, but if it was, he suppressed it quickly. He stood still this time as Siri leaned forward again and talked rapidly in his ear. He nodded his agreement, and they stepped away from each other. Siri looked over the crowd toward the wall, concentrating intensely on something.

"Come on!" Anakin yelled. "What are you waiting for?"

Suddenly the lights went out. There was mass confusion as everyone stumbled into each other and screeched, and Dex trampled half his customers as he tried to find the light switch. A bell rang out as someone opened the diner's door. When the lights finally came back on, two of the big light fixtures suspended from the ceiling were swinging wildly back and forth, and Obi-Wan and Siri were gone.

TO BE CONTINUED

_In the next installment, _someone _will get kissed ... but who?_


	5. Chapter 5

Obi-Wan and Siri ran for their lives through the streets of Coruscant, and didn't slow down until they were safely inside the Temple. They leaned against a pillar and gasped for breath.

"Brilliant plan, Tachi," Obi-Wan said when they had rested enough. "Swinging from the chandeliers. Very original."

"I did my best," Siri said.

"It might have been simpler if you'd just kissed me," Obi-Wan said.

"We would have regretted it later."

"Of course," Obi-Wan said, but he wasn't looking her in the eye.

Siri ignored this.

"Come with me," she said, tugging on his arm. "I want to show you what I got you for your birthday."

She led him to the southwest spire. The hallways were nearly empty, since most Jedi were eating in the refectory at this time of night. They climbed up the spiral staircase and entered the little-used Nova Lounge, which was small and cozy and featured a huge mirror that spanned one entire wall. Siri settled herself down with a plop into a very cushy red sofa, but Obi-Wan remained standing, with his back to her. Siri looked at his face in the mirror.

"You seem a bit down, Kenobi," she said. "Didn't you have a happy birthday?"

"It certainly was memorable," he said. "The ending left a bit to be desired, though."

"What ending did you desire?" Siri asked, leaning forward intently.

Obi-Wan just shook his head. "What were you going to show me?" he asked.

"Impatient boy," she said. "All right, I'll give it to you now, if you insist."

Siri pulled herself out of the sofa with an effort and walked between Obi-Wan and the mirror. Obi-Wan looked down at her hands, which were empty. Siri reached up and touched his cheek with her fingertips, and his eyes moved back up to meet hers. Siri was looking up into his face with a searching expression. Suddenly Obi-Wan was finding it difficult to breathe, and he didn't know what to do with his hands. He couldn't look away from Siri and she was leaning toward him, tilting her face up to his, sliding her hand around to the back of his neck and pulling him closer. He didn't resist, but leaned forward to meet her halfway as she gently pressed her lips against his. The kiss deepened and Obi-Wan put his trembling hands on the small of her back.

The moment seemed almost to last forever, but eventually they had to pull away to breathe. Siri smiled up at him and whispered, "Happy birthday."

"It is now," Obi-Wan agreed.

Two very happy Jedi Masters left the Nova Lounge and returned to their own quarters, where they slept very soundly.

***

Obi-Wan was awakened early the next morning by a call from Mace Windu.

"I'm teaching a class in the atrium this morning, and I'd like you to join us," Windu said.

"Yes, Master, I'll be there as soon as I can."

When Obi-Wan arrived at the atrium, he found Master Windu already there ... with Siri. The room was otherwise deserted.

"Good morning, class," Mace said briskly. "It's time for me to teach you a lesson. This way, please."

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Chapter 6

_I'd like to give special thanks to all my readers, and to ijedi, gurnius, clearspring2009 and especially pronker for your kind reviews! Reviews seriously make my day and put me on Cloud Nine. Thank you, thank you! Here is the final chapter._

* * *

Mace Windu walked across the atrium with swift strides, his expression stern and intimidating as always, and Obi-Wan and Siri gave each other mystified looks before following after him. They hadn't gone far when Mace opened a door and gestured for them to go in. Obi-Wan went in first, but Siri hesitated in the doorway.

"Is there a problem, Master Tachi?" Mace asked.

"It's the _men's_ 'fresher," Siri said.

"Did you expect me to use the women's 'fresher?" Mace said, his face inscrutable.

"I guess not," Siri said, and went in. Mace followed and walked over to the row of sinks.

"Do you see this object hanging on the wall above the sink?" Mace said. "Who can tell me what it is?"

Obi-Wan and Siri assumed it was a rhetorical question, but Mace waited patiently until Siri finally ventured: "A mirror?"

"Correct," Mace said.

He paced methodically in front of the two of them.

"Have either of you ever been in the Nova Lounge in the southwest spire?" Mace asked next.

"Ummmm... once or twice," Obi-Wan said. He didn't like the direction this was going.

"Can you tell me what material the northern wall is made of?"

"A mirror," Obi-Wan said with confidence.

"Wrong."

_Oooooooh noooooo,_ Obi-Wan thought. _Oh no oh no oh no no no no no no."_

"...it's made of glass," Mace continued. "Glass that appears highly reflective at night when the lounge is lit up, but the balcony outside is in darkness."

Siri made a soft whimpering noise and buried her face in her hands.

"Do you know who was on the balcony last evening?" Mace continued. "A group of 5-year-olds, being led through a bedtime meditative exercise. It began peacefully enough, but ended rather chaotically when the younglings began asking their clan leader awkward questions about what was going on in the next room over."

Obi-Wan put his hand over his mouth, fixed his eyes on his boots and tried to control his breathing. He wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry.

"So. Now that I've cleared up for you what is and isn't a mirror, I'd like to teach you a new lesson," Mace said.

He picked up a bar of soap and handed it to Obi-Wan. Then he picked up another one and handed it to Siri.

"Start washing," he said.

"My hands are already perfectly clean, Master Windu," Obi-Wan said.

"Not your hands," Mace replied. "Your mouth."

"I was afraid of that," Obi-Wan said with a sigh.

Siri was staring intently at Mace, waiting for a joking expression to cross his face. It didn't. Horrified, she wrinkled her nose.

"That's _disgusting!_" she said.

"I agree," Mace said. "The poor bars of soap."

Obi-Wan looked thoughtfully at his. It was white, rectangular, slimy, and didn't look very tasty.

Siri thought fiercely at him, _Don't do it, Kenobi! What can he do, pin us down and _force_ us to eat bubbles?_

Obi-Wan gave a resigned shrug, and stuck the bar of soap in his mouth.

_Shavit!_ Siri thought.

Mace looked at Siri expectantly. Rapidly, she weighed her options. Run for it and let Obi-Wan take the punishment alone? Stay, but clamp her mouth shut and refuse to be debased in such a manner? Or just do it and get it over with as quickly as possible?

Siri's shoulders slumped, and she put the soap in her mouth and started scrubbing. Stars and galaxies, but it tasted awful! Obi-Wan saw the expression on her face, and gave her a big grin with the bar of soap sticking out ridiculously from between his teeth.

"None of that!" Mace said sharply. "I don't want the two of you to smile at each other, look at each other, talk to each other, or even be in the same room with each other, until you learn a little self-control! Understood?"

Mumbling around the soap, they indicated that they understood. For the next few minutes, there was no sound but the sounds of rinsing and spitting, until Mace was satisfied and let them leave, with instructions to meditate long and hard on what they'd done.

* * *

That night, Siri called Obi-Wan on the comlink to apologize.

"It wasn't that bad," Obi-Wan said. "At least it was unscented soap. Qui-Gon made me wash my mouth out once, and that time it smelled and tasted like musk. Ugh."

"Then...last night wasn't really your first kiss?" Siri asked.

"Siri!" Obi-Wan said. "That time it was for swearing, not kissing."

Siri sighed. "I should have picked a better spot to give you your present."

"Yes, you should have," Obi-Wan agreed. "Siri, I'm really curious to know ... when did you decide to go through with it?"

Siri chuckled. "When I saw you being overpowered by all those silly girls in the diner. I knew then I needed to be the damsel to rescue the distressed Knight."

Obi-Wan sighed. "It was worth it all."

"Yes, it was."

"Siri?" Obi-Wan said. "There's just one other thing I've been thinking about. If the first kiss was so ... so..."

"...what will the second one be like?" Siri softly finished for him.

After they said their goodnights, Obi-Wan and Siri settled down to meditate on _that_.

THE END

_Well, dear readers, that is the end of my first fan fiction! Did you like it? Should I quit my day job? I will give a virtual cookie to anyone who leaves a comment to tell me what you thought!_

_And if you can't get enough of Siriwan ... rest assured that I am working on another one as we speak._


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